Calendar Girl (kirilaw) wrote,
Calendar Girl

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This is a tough time of year for an introvert. There are so many parties, so many events, and you really do have to go to all of them. Not only because you're expected to, but because you genuinely want to see all these people. You love/like them, don't see them enough, want to spend time with them... and yet spending time with them tends to leave you (okay, me. This is all about me, and the second person is getting silly.) drained and tired and grouchy.

I don't want to be grouchy about holidays and holiday parties. I just... want them to be more spaced out. And not occurring when I've also stressed myself out fretting about perfect gifts and decorations and all the other ridiculous trappings that I am utterly compelled to fret about at this time of year.

And it's weird, because I really do love the holidays. I love the parties, I love giving presents, I love the decorations, and especially the lights. But they leave me so very tired.

It's pretty much impossible to explain this to an extrovert. They can understand in theory ("you know how you get punchy if you spend too much time alone, if you don't get to interact with other people? I get punchy if I don't spend a fair bit of time alone."), but they have a hard time really grokking how I can be simultaneously sick of people and eager to see people, or simultaneously tired and grouchy and festive and cheerful. I don't entirely understand it myself, to be honest. I just know that one part of me wants nothing more than holiday cheer, and another part of me wants desperately to curl up in a corner with a book or a video game and not talk to anyone for a while.

Bah humbug. And also happy Winter Season. All at the same time.
Tags: angst, real life, whining

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